He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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