I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
