It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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