I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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