the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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