if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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