I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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