He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
