Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
