How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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