what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
