Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
