i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
