Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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