just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
