his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
