If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
