your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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