my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
