Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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