Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
