You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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