i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
