Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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