Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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