i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
