Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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