i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is wine microwaveable?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
