Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
