We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
