Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
