dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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