oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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