Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
