everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need to calm my uterus...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
