my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
