Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
