This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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