i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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