Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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