Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.

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  (403): Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now. http://tfl.nu/qiaj
  Replies (40) Good night (8775) Bad night (663)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

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  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
  Replies (13) Good night (5164) Bad night (1280)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right

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  (914): Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right http://tfl.nu/mx4p
  Replies (18) Good night (1550) Bad night (3930)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2379) Bad night (10038)
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  (415): View more from California

  i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.

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  (415): i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me. http://tfl.nu/4nn8
  Replies (7) Good night (876) Bad night (2937)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything

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  (715): She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything http://tfl.nu/4a6c
  Replies (15) Good night (2866) Bad night (891)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.

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  (785): Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes. http://tfl.nu/4ozu
  Replies (6) Good night (992) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW

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  (417): THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/z4i2
  Replies (1) Good night (992) Bad night (267)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.

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  (269): I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive. http://tfl.nu/3jo8
  Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Is that a sex thing?

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  (647): I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you (289): Is that a sex thing? http://tfl.nu/v8ys
  Replies (0) Good night (453) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?

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  (631): are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ? http://tfl.nu/6snf
  Replies (7) Good night (823) Bad night (202)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs

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  (805): It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs http://tfl.nu/6q0t
  Replies (3) Good night (499) Bad night (174)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.

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  (831): Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success. http://tfl.nu/80xv
  Replies (1) Good night (331) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.

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  (312): I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will. http://tfl.nu/1dfb
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"

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  (716): tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered" http://tfl.nu/w7hl
  Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (132)

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