Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*