Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.