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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  you traded sex for a burrito?

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono

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• (512): View more from Texas

  You're like the curious george of whores

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Alls I remember is making out with that chick.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nope that was a dude

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• (239): View more from Florida

  COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING

  (646): View more from New York

  (239): View more from Florida

  Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.

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• (831): View more from California

  He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare

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