Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
