you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
