there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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