Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
