well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
