Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This gyro tastes like lonliness
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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