forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
