I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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