Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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