Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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