I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
