she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
