You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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