my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
