I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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