about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
