I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
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you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
soo... how was my night?
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