She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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