Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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