I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
