Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
