youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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