Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize