She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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