do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
