sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
