i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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