Michael Bay diarrhea
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
