Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
